First Step to Living the Life I Want.

Today I have made my decision to create the life that I want to live. I have many talents and its time that I use these talents to begin a new chapter. I am going to be doing Reiki Jin Kei Do Level 2 Energy Healing. I am using my gift to help people to be able to heal. Also, I have an amazing gift for finding healing music and co creating dance routines. So I am going to be doing this. I am starting my new life today. I am standing in my power and being guided by forces that are leading me down this path.

Anniversary: Standing in My Power

 

Anniversary: Standing in my Power, a powerful poem that I wrote last year on the anniversary of when I was raped. I have taken my life and power back from the bastards that raped me. I have taken my power back from the chain of command that did nothing but retaliate against me, tried to destroy me, ruined my career.  My rapists can go to hell. Those that did nothing when I told what happened to me at 11 can go to hell. The female police officer at University of Cincinnati that looked at me and told me that I deserved to be raped by two black men since I was drinking underage can go to hell.  The Special Agent that told me, We do not care what he said in his email. We have to investigate you. Know who all you slept with. About any other reports you have ever made. can go to hell. They are no better then six men that raped me.

They tried to destroy me but they have not. They tried to silence but they have made me powerful enough to tell my truth.  They have turned me into a strong Warrior that will never stop sharing what they did to me. They have made me into an advocate that will never back down until rape and victim blaming ends.

Let Go

Take some deep breaths,

Feel your feet on the floor,

Take some deep breaths,

Feel your inhale and exhale,

Look at what all is around you

 

Realize that you have grown and changed,

There is no need to hold on to your past any more,

You know what direction you are going in

And the trauma from your past has held you long enough,

It’s time to start living,

It’s time to say enough pain,

It’s time to love yourself,

 

The past is no longer serving me,

I do not need this pain any more,

I am much stronger than them,

I am a brave, strong, compassionate Warrior

Who knows where she wants to take her life.

 

Today is the day that we let go.

What happened to Me at the University of Cincinnati

 

I was 18 and excited

that I was graduating

From high school and had

choose a university that

Was two hours away.

I was trying to escape

from myself and

Did not realize that

wherever I went there I was.

 

I had three roommates and

lived in a coed dorm,

It was October and I decided

to stay on campus

For the first time over the weekend

I wanted to know

what happened on the weekend.

 

There was a party and

everyone was drinking,

It was the first time that

I had ever drank,

I was drinking Hawaiian punch

and Kentucky Vodka

Just like everyone else

The room started spinning,

I became a social butterfly

and was talking to everyone

 

My roommates where jumping

from room to room,

Then I was told that my

roommates went down to the

First floor.

I took the elevator down

And knocked on the door

 

This guy told me to come in,

Next thing I know is that

he is undressing me,

He is touching me and

I am on my back,

I did not want to have sex

with him or his friend

They were raping me

 

When they got done I got up, got

dressed and could not

Find my bra,

They kept my bra as a trophy,

I was sobbing and went upstairs,

A police report was made,

Went to the hospital and the

nurse did the rape kit

I was sobbing and was so scared.

 

The next day, I had an interview

with another police officer.

She looked right at me and

told me that I deserved

To me raped by two men

That is was my fault because

I was drinking underage and they had

Every right to do what they did.

 

I went back to my room and climbed

Up on my bunk

I cried myself to sleep and slept

For over 16 hours

Once again I was told by society

That rape is fine and that

I meant nothing

That men can rape and that I am

Nothing more than a

walking mattress that

Deserved to be raped.

Becoming one with myself

 

 

Learning to become one with myself

Has been a long grueling process,

I have worn many masks along the way,

Tried to fit into what other

people expected me to be,

Wanted me to be,

Tried to ignore the feelings

that are deep inside,

Tried to ignore what

has happened in my life,

But along my healing journey,

I have learned that what happened to me

Was not my fault, It’s their fault,

They committed a crime

and tried to destroy me,

But instead they have

turned me into a warrior,

It’s my greatest challenge to not let

them ruin my life, to take my power back,

And the gift that this healing

journey has given me,

Is made me into the person I am today.

 

Learning to become one with

myself means that

I accept what has happened

throughout my life,

To make who I am today,

I do not like that I had to go through

all of the trauma and pain,

But now I am a person that can

read other people, pick up

On things that are not said,

More compassionate with other people

Can understand what others cannot,

Because they have not been there,

Am able to listen and be there

for myself and others.

 

I am starting to live the life

that I have always dreamed of,

To be the person that is inside,

To see the person that my friends

and family see inside of me!

To be the warrior that I have become

To keep raising my voice and

speak for those that are not

Able to speak yet!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is a Warrior

A warrior is a human being who accepts

the call and walks the long, arduous path

of reaching one’s full potential.

A Warrior speaks their truth.

A Warrior goes into darkness and light.

A Warrior is someone that has honor,

courage. commitment & integrity

A Warrior goes into the abyss of truth.

A Warrior lives in faith.

A Warrior knows that she is creation,

that essence created her, that

she is spirit made manifested.

A Warrior heals and expands the tenderness of her heart.

A Warrior deals with loneliness, even though there never alone.

A Warrior aligns to virtues, values, purpose, not other human beings.

A Warrior is totally exposed.

A Warrior loves and lives in paradoxes, chaos, and conflict

A Warrior knows that each human being is a mystery, is the end, never the mean

A Warrior is a human being who questions all authority and all conventional

wisdom that is spoken in the course of her life.

A Warrior lives in risk.

A Warrior lives in uncertainty and a warrior lives in the mystery of what is.

A Warrior knows that there is nothing more important than each human beings experience of joy.

A warrior knows there short-comings makes peace with her humanness, accepts and learns from her

failures, and begs for forgiveness of those the Warrior as pained, wronged or let down.

A Warrior is someone that will not leave other warriors behind. If the Warrior is hurt the Warrior will

carry them.

If the Warrior cannot carry the Warrior will dang them.

A Warrior will help them to face their enemies, to include the demons from within.

A Warrior is a human being who understands and explores all worldviews, all religions, all cultures, all

histories, and all legacies of WISDOM to understand fully what it is to be a human being.

A Warrior know what to contribute.

A Warrior leaves generations to come strong, universal, and life-affirming foundations.

A Warrior is someone who explores the inner world and the external world, integrating both.

A Warrior is someone who focuses on “what” they are as a human being.

A Warrior is someone who loves fully as possible.

A Warrior is someone who understands there needs and is fearless in telling others that they are at risk

of being vulnerable.

A Warrior knows when to let the silence speak.

A Warrior is fearless in living.

A Warrior knows their gifts and develops them throughout their life.

A Warrior knows suffering.

A Warrior is not afraid of suffering but expects it.

A Warrior learns from suffering.

A Warrior learns to find joy in both suffering and bliss.

A Warrior knows love as both intimacy and rapture.