Today I have made my decision to create the life that I want to live. I have many talents and its time that I use these talents to begin a new chapter. I am going to be doing Reiki Jin Kei Do Level 2 Energy Healing. I am using my gift to help people to be able to heal. Also, I have an amazing gift for finding healing music and co creating dance routines. So I am going to be doing this. I am starting my new life today. I am standing in my power and being guided by forces that are leading me down this path.
Anniversary: Standing in my Power, a powerful poem that I wrote last year on the anniversary of when I was raped. I have taken my life and power back from the bastards that raped me. I have taken my power back from the chain of command that did nothing but retaliate against me, tried to destroy me, ruined my career. My rapists can go to hell. Those that did nothing when I told what happened to me at 11 can go to hell. The female police officer at University of Cincinnati that looked at me and told me that I deserved to be raped by two black men since I was drinking underage can go to hell. The Special Agent that told me, We do not care what he said in his email. We have to investigate you. Know who all you slept with. About any other reports you have ever made. can go to hell. They are no better then six men that raped me.
They tried to destroy me but they have not. They tried to silence but they have made me powerful enough to tell my truth. They have turned me into a strong Warrior that will never stop sharing what they did to me. They have made me into an advocate that will never back down until rape and victim blaming ends.
Take some deep breaths,
Feel your feet on the floor,
Take some deep breaths,
Feel your inhale and exhale,
Look at what all is around you
Realize that you have grown and changed,
There is no need to hold on to your past any more,
You know what direction you are going in
And the trauma from your past has held you long enough,
It’s time to start living,
It’s time to say enough pain,
It’s time to love yourself,
The past is no longer serving me,
I do not need this pain any more,
I am much stronger than them,
I am a brave, strong, compassionate Warrior
Who knows where she wants to take her life.
Today is the day that we let go.
I was 18 and excited
that I was graduating
From high school and had
choose a university that
Was two hours away.
I was trying to escape
from myself and
Did not realize that
wherever I went there I was.
I had three roommates and
lived in a coed dorm,
It was October and I decided
to stay on campus
For the first time over the weekend
I wanted to know
what happened on the weekend.
There was a party and
everyone was drinking,
It was the first time that
I had ever drank,
I was drinking Hawaiian punch
and Kentucky Vodka
Just like everyone else
The room started spinning,
I became a social butterfly
and was talking to everyone
My roommates where jumping
from room to room,
Then I was told that my
roommates went down to the
I took the elevator down
And knocked on the door
This guy told me to come in,
Next thing I know is that
he is undressing me,
He is touching me and
I am on my back,
I did not want to have sex
with him or his friend
They were raping me
When they got done I got up, got
dressed and could not
Find my bra,
They kept my bra as a trophy,
I was sobbing and went upstairs,
A police report was made,
Went to the hospital and the
nurse did the rape kit
I was sobbing and was so scared.
The next day, I had an interview
with another police officer.
She looked right at me and
told me that I deserved
To me raped by two men
That is was my fault because
I was drinking underage and they had
Every right to do what they did.
I went back to my room and climbed
Up on my bunk
I cried myself to sleep and slept
For over 16 hours
Once again I was told by society
That rape is fine and that
I meant nothing
That men can rape and that I am
Nothing more than a
walking mattress that
Deserved to be raped.
Learning to become one with myself
Has been a long grueling process,
I have worn many masks along the way,
Tried to fit into what other
people expected me to be,
Wanted me to be,
Tried to ignore the feelings
that are deep inside,
Tried to ignore what
has happened in my life,
But along my healing journey,
I have learned that what happened to me
Was not my fault, It’s their fault,
They committed a crime
and tried to destroy me,
But instead they have
turned me into a warrior,
It’s my greatest challenge to not let
them ruin my life, to take my power back,
And the gift that this healing
journey has given me,
Is made me into the person I am today.
Learning to become one with
myself means that
I accept what has happened
throughout my life,
To make who I am today,
I do not like that I had to go through
all of the trauma and pain,
But now I am a person that can
read other people, pick up
On things that are not said,
More compassionate with other people
Can understand what others cannot,
Because they have not been there,
Am able to listen and be there
for myself and others.
I am starting to live the life
that I have always dreamed of,
To be the person that is inside,
To see the person that my friends
and family see inside of me!
To be the warrior that I have become
To keep raising my voice and
speak for those that are not
Able to speak yet!!
A warrior is a human being who accepts
the call and walks the long, arduous path
of reaching one’s full potential.
A Warrior speaks their truth.
A Warrior goes into darkness and light.
A Warrior is someone that has honor,
courage. commitment & integrity
A Warrior goes into the abyss of truth.
A Warrior lives in faith.
A Warrior knows that she is creation,
that essence created her, that
she is spirit made manifested.
A Warrior heals and expands the tenderness of her heart.
A Warrior deals with loneliness, even though there never alone.
A Warrior aligns to virtues, values, purpose, not other human beings.
A Warrior is totally exposed.
A Warrior loves and lives in paradoxes, chaos, and conflict
A Warrior knows that each human being is a mystery, is the end, never the mean
A Warrior is a human being who questions all authority and all conventional
wisdom that is spoken in the course of her life.
A Warrior lives in risk.
A Warrior lives in uncertainty and a warrior lives in the mystery of what is.
A Warrior knows that there is nothing more important than each human beings experience of joy.
A warrior knows there short-comings makes peace with her humanness, accepts and learns from her
failures, and begs for forgiveness of those the Warrior as pained, wronged or let down.
A Warrior is someone that will not leave other warriors behind. If the Warrior is hurt the Warrior will
If the Warrior cannot carry the Warrior will dang them.
A Warrior will help them to face their enemies, to include the demons from within.
A Warrior is a human being who understands and explores all worldviews, all religions, all cultures, all
histories, and all legacies of WISDOM to understand fully what it is to be a human being.
A Warrior know what to contribute.
A Warrior leaves generations to come strong, universal, and life-affirming foundations.
A Warrior is someone who explores the inner world and the external world, integrating both.
A Warrior is someone who focuses on “what” they are as a human being.
A Warrior is someone who loves fully as possible.
A Warrior is someone who understands there needs and is fearless in telling others that they are at risk
of being vulnerable.
A Warrior knows when to let the silence speak.
A Warrior is fearless in living.
A Warrior knows their gifts and develops them throughout their life.
A Warrior knows suffering.
A Warrior is not afraid of suffering but expects it.
A Warrior learns from suffering.
A Warrior learns to find joy in both suffering and bliss.
A Warrior knows love as both intimacy and rapture.