Feeling Unheard

 

Feeling unheard,

Feeling unseen,

Feeling invisible,

Feeling disrespected,

Feeling that I do not matter,

That what I have to say about what happened

to me does not matter,

 

I was at counseling appointment,

Therapist looked at

me and told me to stop writing my poetry

and not to talk about being raped.

 

Writing my poetry is the way

I get out what I am feeling,

I am not good at talking

about what happened to me,

 

I immediately left my

body and shutdown,

I came home, got my blanket,

turned on calming music

And started crying.

When therapist said that

to me, I immediately heard

What the rapist said to me,

What  society has said to me,

What the two guys at UC said to me,

What the police officer said to me,

What Josh said to me,

What Damon said to me,

What chain of command said to me,

What NCIS said to me,

What our country says to me,

and to other survivors of sexual assault,

 

I went to bed early,

Used aromatherapy,

Cried myself to sleep.

I am still feeling distant,

detached from myself,

I do not any one.

Afraid to say anything anymore.

Will not be reaching out anymore.