Betrayed as A Child

 

Many feelings of betrayal,

Feelings of shame, guilt, loss,

Anger, fear, grief, self hatred,

At times have thought there must

Be something deeply wrong with me

And my body,

 

I froze,

I left my body and went

Somewhere far away,

My body betrayed me by

Responding to what you were doing

To me,

I wanted nothing to do with what

you were doing to me.

 

You took so much away

from me that day,

You took my innocence,

You took my virginity,

You took my self-worth

You took my self-esteem,

You took my childhood,

You took my trust in men,

You took my trust in friends,

You threatened to kill me

If I ever spoke of what you

Did to me,

You have caused so much

Pain, anger, grief,

 

I have started to take my

Power back from you,

I have started to realize

How you groomed me,

I have realized how you

Set me up to be molested by you,

 

I have started to talk about

the deep betrayal that I have felt,

I am telling what you did to me,

I have realized that the

Shame I feel is not mine,

I do not have to hate my body,

I can come back to my body,

I do not have to stay out of my body,

I am safe coming back to myself,

That I could love my body again,

That my body is my body,

I choose what happens with to my body,

 

I can express my true feelings

I can sound and tell my truth

I can feel the feelings

That I need to feel.

I can express the feelings

That I need to express.

I can and will continue

To tell what you did to me

And I will be free from you.

Mother Earth

Mother Earth, you are the place that I call home

Mother Earth, you have given me birth,

You are the ground I walk on

The air I breathe,

The water I drink,

The food I eat,

The place where I live,

The clothes I wear,

The beauty I see.

You have provided me with everything I need,

Mother Earth, you have been there for me

On my healing journey,

You have taught me how to accept myself,

You have taught me how to feel my feelings,

You have taught me how to sink my roots,

You have taught me how to breathe,

You have taught me how to meditate.

You have taught me how to look for the beauty

in every living thing.

You have taught me how to be loving of myself

and all living things,

Along this path of healing you have me sent

angels, guides, and put people in my life to help me.

You have shown me that I can connect to

Something bigger then me by being in nature.

You have shown me the beauty in life.

You have been there in my grief.

You hold me each and every day.

Thank you Mother Earth for being there.

 

I AM Breaking Free

I am breaking free.
I am healing every day.

Every step I take.
Every time I am willing to face everything
and feel the feelings.
Every dance.
Every time I do self care.
Every time I speak my truth.
Every time I put the shame where it belongs.
Every therapy appointment.
Every tear.
Every time I am willing to dive deep with my therapist.
Every time I say enough is enough.

I am breaking free.
I am truly healing and taking my power back.

Spiral

Around and around

the spiral I go,

Going down into

the abyss,

Deep into feelings,

Deep into memories,

Deep into flashbacks,

Deep into nightmares,

Deep into the anger,

Deep into the grief,

 

The tears start

coming out,

Feeling out of control,

But I know

that I am safe

And that there

are people that

I can go to for help

All I have to

do is reach out

And they will

be there for me.