Anniversary: Standing in My Power

 

Anniversary: Standing in my Power, a powerful poem that I wrote last year on the anniversary of when I was raped. I have taken my life and power back from the bastards that raped me. I have taken my power back from the chain of command that did nothing but retaliate against me, tried to destroy me, ruined my career.  My rapists can go to hell. Those that did nothing when I told what happened to me at 11 can go to hell. The female police officer at University of Cincinnati that looked at me and told me that I deserved to be raped by two black men since I was drinking underage can go to hell.  The Special Agent that told me, We do not care what he said in his email. We have to investigate you. Know who all you slept with. About any other reports you have ever made. can go to hell. They are no better then six men that raped me.

They tried to destroy me but they have not. They tried to silence but they have made me powerful enough to tell my truth.  They have turned me into a strong Warrior that will never stop sharing what they did to me. They have made me into an advocate that will never back down until rape and victim blaming ends.

What is Power?

Power is found in choice.

Power is found in joy.

Power is found strength.

Power is found in loving yourself and others.

Power is found in compassion for oneself and others.

Power is found in being with community and power with.

Power is allowing yourself to observe without reacting.

Power is allowing your authentic self to be seen.

Power is in the ability to come back into your body.

Power is found in breathing deeply and being rooted.

Power is found is sharing what one senses.

Power is found in laughter.

Power is found in truly believing in oneself.

Power is being able to tell your truth even when your voice is shaking.

Power is found in being able to truly be there for another to listen to what he or she has to say.

Power is found in feeling to heal.

Power is found in releasing emotions.

Power is drawing the line and saying enough is enough.

Power is taking a stand against what is right and wrong.

Power is advocating to make a change in this world.

Power is advocating for those that have not found their voice yet.

Power is the ability to choose to help others.

Power is saying this is not how my story is going to end.

Power is using one’s past to transform into what you what to be.

 

 

What happened to Me at the University of Cincinnati

 

I was 18 and excited

that I was graduating

From high school and had

choose a university that

Was two hours away.

I was trying to escape

from myself and

Did not realize that

wherever I went there I was.

 

I had three roommates and

lived in a coed dorm,

It was October and I decided

to stay on campus

For the first time over the weekend

I wanted to know

what happened on the weekend.

 

There was a party and

everyone was drinking,

It was the first time that

I had ever drank,

I was drinking Hawaiian punch

and Kentucky Vodka

Just like everyone else

The room started spinning,

I became a social butterfly

and was talking to everyone

 

My roommates where jumping

from room to room,

Then I was told that my

roommates went down to the

First floor.

I took the elevator down

And knocked on the door

 

This guy told me to come in,

Next thing I know is that

he is undressing me,

He is touching me and

I am on my back,

I did not want to have sex

with him or his friend

They were raping me

 

When they got done I got up, got

dressed and could not

Find my bra,

They kept my bra as a trophy,

I was sobbing and went upstairs,

A police report was made,

Went to the hospital and the

nurse did the rape kit

I was sobbing and was so scared.

 

The next day, I had an interview

with another police officer.

She looked right at me and

told me that I deserved

To me raped by two men

That is was my fault because

I was drinking underage and they had

Every right to do what they did.

 

I went back to my room and climbed

Up on my bunk

I cried myself to sleep and slept

For over 16 hours

Once again I was told by society

That rape is fine and that

I meant nothing

That men can rape and that I am

Nothing more than a

walking mattress that

Deserved to be raped.

What is Power

Power is found in choice.

Power is found in joy.

Power is found strength.

Power is found in loving yourself and others.

Power is found in compassion for oneself and others.

Power is found in being with community and power with.

Power is allowing yourself to observe without reacting.

Power is allowing your authentic self to be seen.

Power is in the ability to come back into your body.

Power is found in breathing deeply and being rooted.

Power is found is sharing what one senses.

Power is found in laughter.

Power is found in truly believing in oneself.

Power is being able to tell your truth even when your voice is shaking.

Power is found in being able to truly be there for another to listen to what he or she has to say.

Power is found in feeling to heal.

Power is found in releasing emotions.

Power is drawing the line and saying enough is enough.

Power is taking a stand against what is right and wrong.

Power is advocating to make a change in this world.

Power is advocating for those that have not found their voice yet.

Power is the ability to choose to help others.

Power is saying this is not how my story is going to end.

Power is using one’s past to transform into what you what to be.