The Journey Back to Myself: A Book of Healing Poetry, Second Edition



A collection of inspirational, empowering poetry written over the course of three years as Julie went on a healing journey to heal from multiple sexual assaults and Post Traumatic Stress. She learned that creating space for deep healing starts with taking some deep breaths to be present in the body. She learned that her body is her home and that her body is safe to come back to. Also, she learned how to love herself again. This is a powerful book that invites you on a healing journey. It is meant for every single person who is healing from something. It’s meant to be a guide for every psychologist, psychiatrists, doctor, nurse, social worker, professor, counselor to use to understand the effects of child sexual abuse, university rape, military sexual trauma, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress.


#foreverchanged  #CSA #universityrape #complexPTSD #depression #anxiety #healingmyheart #becomingonewithmyself #peacewarrior #climbingamountain #heartwarrior #peacefulwarrior #shutupandlistentosurvivors #why #PTSD #speakyourtruth #feeltoheal #empoweredwarrior #courage #strength #journeybacktomyself #reikijinkeido #niawhitebelt #niabluebelt #healing #inspirational #courageous #survivor #selfcompassion #selflove #selfworth #writetoheal

Let Go


Let go, let go, let go,
Just let it go,
Let the tears come out,
Stop fighting the tears back,
Stop wearing different masks,
Let yourself be seen,
Let yourself be the real you,
Say the words,
Let your therapist be there for you,
Let your support system be there for you,

Let yourself ask for what you need,
Let go of the shame,
Let go of the rage,
Let go of the grief,
Let go of the hatred towards yourself,
Let yourself say the words and cry,
Face your fears,
Face the grief,
Just let it go,
It’s okay to be real and to be seen,
It’s okay to ask for help,
It’s okay to cry,
It’s okay to just let the pain go,
Let it all go,
It’s your choice!!!
You choose how and when to let go
Today is the best day to just let it go.



I responded to his email on Navy together we served,

Thinking that if I got him to admit to raping me,

That they would have to do something about it,

He straight up admitted to raping me,

He said, “You an ugly woman and I do not

know why I even messed with you. Taking a

woman is something that I am

down with. So you remember how….lol…”

Called NCIS and asked to speak to special agent,

Case was reopened again,

None of this mattered to the Special Agent

Was told we have to investigate you,

Know who all you slept with,

About any other sexual assault reports you have made,

It does not matter what he said in his email,

So once again they do nothing about

rape even when they have it in black and white,

Once again, I am told that I am nothing

but an object that deserves to be raped,

So tired,

So enraged,

So hurt,

So betrayed,

So fed up

So sick of, “We do not care.”

So sick of oh you are just a woman.

and well that means that you were born to be raped,

So sick of he had every right to rape you,

So sick of the laws do not apply to you,

So sick of it’s fine that I was emotionally abused,

retaliated against, and my career was ruined,

We do not care that the rapist

straight up admitted to raping you.

We do not care that he said, “So

you remember how…lol…taking a

woman is something that

I down with. You are such an

ugly woman I do not even

know why I messed with you.

So sick of the laws and

UCMJ do not apply to me,

But we will protect, promote,

a rapist at all costs and allow

him to rape more women

over and over and over and

over and over again.

Someone tell me where Honor,

Courage, Commitment, Duty,

Country, Shipmate comes into

protecting rapists that commit a heinous crime,

That changes the victim FOREVER!!!

Heart Warrior


I have been through a lot of pain and suffering,

I have physical scars that can be seen,

I have emotional scars that cannot be seen,

Many tears have fell from my cheeks,

I have felt so much rage and grief,

However, I have picked myself up,

Fought the next battle,

And continue on my healing path.


I am an empowered heart Warrior that is standing strong,

I am a heart Warrior that is putting her life back together piece by piece,

I have compassion for every living being and compassion for myself.

I am loving and a Heart Warrior that shares

Her love with the world and those close to me


I am strong and victorious,

I shout my truth,

I feel my feelings,

I help others to know that they are also Heart Warriors.


I will never quit,

I will never surrender,

I will continue on this path of healing no matter what.






You set me up to violate me,

You lied to me when you told me that your

Mom was home when she was not,

You showed me porn and you knew that

I just eleven years old and that,

no idea what porn was,


You betrayed me,

You did not stop when you were choking me,

And I was sobbing,

You did not stop when you were hurting me,

You did not stop when I was crying,

You did not care what you did to me,

You did not care the pain that you caused,

You knew that I did not want to do what

You were doing to me,

You knew that I was crying and scared,

You did not care the damage you caused

And then you threatened to kill me if I told anyone,


You tried to steal my soul away from me

But what you have done is made me stronger

You have made me stronger to fight against

Predators like you,

You have made me find my voice and speak

My truth,

You have made a warrior that shouts my truth

From the roof tops.

I am healing every day and untangling myself

From you,



Born a Girl

Born With a Vagina,

I was given the label of girl,

I was taught to dress a certain,

I was taught to follow what my mom did,

I was told that I was supposed to wear dresses,

That I was supposed to do house work,

That I was supposed to be skinny,

That I was supposed to wear makeup,

That I was supposed to play with certain toys

Such as Barbie dolls, house, care bears, girl toys,

And that I was only to be interested in girl things,

That I was not supposed to be good at science or math,

That I was weaker,


Once I became I tomboy I no longer fit into what

Society wanted me to be since I was born with a Vagina,

I wanted to climb trees, play basketball, football, baseball,

Ride bikes, get dirty, and play war there was something

wrong with me and I had to be shown where

I belonged in society,

I had to be taught a lesson,

that is when Ryan

showed me what porn was, what violence was,

And raped me,

Then I was threatened that I would be killed if I told anyone,

My friend told his mom and his mom called my mom,

I was then grounded to the yard and told to just

Forget about what happened to me


I was told that since I had been born with a Vagina that

I was only here to be raped and that the laws do not apply

To girls that have been raped.

As I grew up, I still did not fit into what society wanted

Me to be because I wanted nothing to do with being a woman

I wanted nothing to do with wearing dresses,

I wanted nothing to do with wearing makeup and having long hair,

I wanted nothing to do with sex or my sexuality,

Then two black men raped me when I was

intoxicated and could not consent,

Then I was once again told by Female Police Officer that I deserved

What they did to me because I was drinking underage and that

Entitled two black me to rape me.

Then the University of Cincinnati sent me to be evaluated for a mental

Health disorder instead of doing anything to the two black

Men that raped me,

I became suicidal and wanted to die and I tried to kill myself

Once again I was told that since I have a Vagina that I am some how

Weaker and do not matter as much as men.

That is was perfectly fine to be raped by two men,

After all that was what I was born for since

I was born with a Vagina and men were entitled to rape me

And the laws do not apply to me.


Then when I was 23, I was raped again and did not bother

To make a police report,

I knew that no one would do a damn thing

Then when I was 25 I was raped by a third class petty officer

Twice in the same day,

I did not say anything until the next day when a friend

Asked me what was wrong

She went and told the chain of command

They took me to have rape exam done at Wilford ER,

OSI came and talked to me,

The chain of command blamed me for being raped,

Master Chief said, “We believe you but there is not a damn thing

We can do about it.  Here’s your orders to your next command. Promise

Me that you will go to counseling.

Then the retaliation started,

I was not allowed to go to counseling at rape crisis center,

I was told that I was lying,

I was told that I was fat,

I was told there was something wrong

With me because I bleed once a month,

I was told that I was to emotional,

I was told to “Control my emotions.”,

I was told that I was not strong enough,

I was told that I was only here lay on

My back and spread my legs and take whatever men did to me,

I was told that I was nothing more than a walking mattress

That deserved to be raped

My career was ruined and I was given code of JFT erroneous enlistment

Then in 2013 when he straight up admitted to raping me they still did


I was told that, “We have to investigate you. We have to know who

All you have slept with. About any other reports that you

Have made. We do not care what he said in his email to you.

So once again I was told that since I was born with a VAGINA

That I am nothing

That rape is fine and we do not give a damn about you

That rape is not against the law and we only protect rapists.




One of those things I have heard a

few times from different people through my life,

Many times I got angry, cried and ignored what

they were saying to me,

Pushed people away from me,

I was not in the place to hear about forgiving

myself or them for what they did to me,



Now, in this moment, I am ready to forgive

myself for what happened when I was

11, 19, 23 and 25,

I know that the things that I hold

on to that keeps me stuck in pain, anger

grief, and from living my life,

I forgive myself for not knowing what I

know now, for not leaving, not fighting him,

believing his threat and not telling

everything he did to me,

I forgive myself for not saying any thing

until I was in high school,

I forgive myself for sleeping around,

I was doing the best to cope with

how I was feeling deep inside,

I thought that by going to a university two hours

away, I could escape the pain that I

felt deep inside,

All I did was stay on campus over the weekend,

Drank alcohol for the first time,

It’s not my fault what they did to me,

It’s not my shame,

I forgive myself for drinking for the first time,


I forgive myself for drinking when I was 23,

I was not ready to feel my feelings

so I did the only thing I knew to do,

which was drinking alcohol to numb

all of the pain I was feeling,

I forgive myself for throwing away a year

and half of sobriety away when I was 25,

It’s not my fault what he choose to do


I forgive myself for all of the self-harm and

self-hatred I have put myself through.

None of this was my fault,

They choose to commit a crime

and took what I did not offer,

This was their fault.

There shame,

There betrayal

There violent act.

I work every day to take

back my life, live my life

and forgive myself.

I am so glad that I am able to write,

Because writing is the only way,

I know to get the thoughts out

of my head, to tell my truth

and to continue to heal

one day at a time.

Forgiveness is something

I work at every single day.





Why I Tell My Truth

Why I Tell Me Story- (4)

#TheJourneyBacktoMyself:ABookofHealingPoetry #PTSD #ComplexPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #Selfcompassion #Selflove #healing #inspiration #truestory #authentic