Why I Tell My Truth

Why I Tell Me Story- (4)

#TheJourneyBacktoMyself:ABookofHealingPoetry #PTSD #ComplexPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #Selfcompassion #Selflove #healing #inspiration #truestory #authentic

 

Invisible

 

I am a girl that has

experienced hatred

from men,

 

I am a girl that  has been told

that abuse does

Not matter since I

am a girl and invisible,

I am a girl that has been told

that no matter how loud I scream

no one is going to hear me.

No one cares about what the

rapists did to me,

No one cares about how my

life has been changed forever

No one cares about how I have

been emotionally abused for reporting

what they did to me

All I hear over and over again is

Rape is fine,

We care more about rapists,

We do not care about you,

We promote and protect rapists,

We do not care about

what they did to you

I have been forgotten

and no matter how loud I

screamed I will always be invisible

Why Couldn’t they stop?

 

First time I stayed at campus over the weekend,

First time I drank alcohol,

Took the elevator down to the first floor,

Knocked on his door because was told

My roommates went down to his room

He answered the door.

I asked if my roommates where in his room

He told me no, I turned to walk away but

He invited me in.

I walked in his room.

His friend was sitting on the sofa.

I was drunk and there was no

way that I could consent.

They started touching me

I said no,

They would not listen and

They took my clothes off.

Next thing I knew was that they

were taking turns raping me.

I was crying

I said no.

I left my body.

I did not want to

have sex with them

I was crying,

They told me to get dressed.

I could not find my bra.

They kept my bra

All I wanted was to

get out of there

I was crying

I did not know what to do.

I went up to my room,

I then tried to find

my residence advisor

The police were called,

Went to the emergency room,

The nurse asked me

if I wanted to talk to

A rape crisis counselor,

A woman from the rape

crisis center came

To talk to me,

I was too afraid to talk to

the woman from the

Rape crisis center,

The nurse completed

rape exam kit on me,

She kept my clothes and

gave me scrubs to wear,

She gave me medication to take,

The lady from rape crisis center

gave me her telephone number

Police gave me ride back

to the residence hall,

Once back at the residence

hall, I took another

Shower trying to get the dirt off of me,

Talked to female police

officer following day

She told by female police officer that

it was my fault because I was

Drinking underage and I deserved to

Be raped by two men.

Being drunk does not mean a free

Pass for two men to rape

Rape is a crime.

Time for police officers to start to

Protect the victims of rape and not protect

Damn rapists that committed a crime.

Law says that, “No one can consent to

Sex while being drunk.

So to Universities and Campus

Police enforce the damn law.

And arrest rapists that committed a crime.

Spiral

Around and around

the spiral I go,

Going down into

the abyss,

Deep into feelings,

Deep into memories,

Deep into flashbacks,

Deep into nightmares,

Deep into the anger,

Deep into the grief,

 

The tears start

coming out,

Feeling out of control,

But I know

that I am safe

And that there

are people that

I can go to for help

All I have to

do is reach out

And they will

be there for me.