Self Care

As I have continued on my healing journey, one thing that I have had to learn is self care. I used to believe that I was not worthy of self care since I saw myself as dirty, worthless and useless.  Once that view of myself changed, I started making little changes to take better care of myself. Self care first started by drinking more water. Then that expanded to getting a massage. My self-esteem started coming back.  I started going to therapy where I learned and accepted that I was a worth while human being that deserved to be loved by myself. Soon I was getting massages two times a month, using essential oils to help myself calm down and started to realize that I could have self-compassion.

The next step I took in self care was finding my way to Nia and taking white belt. This is where I learned to love my body and life. My trainer suggested I go to see her friend who did Reiki Jin Kei Do. I did what she suggested and made an appointment. Through Reiki, I learned that I can connect to my body more and more. My energy level became higher and more self care started. Next thing, I know I am eating better, spending time in nature, dancing, being with friends, listening to music, choreographing dance routines,  using essential oils, candles, healing stones, crystal singing bowls, take espom salt baths, meditation, earthing, massages, counseling and  getting acupuncture treatments. I had to teach myself that I could love myself again and now I practice self care every day.

Climbing Mountain


There is a huge mountain in front of me,

I start climbing it,

The mountain in front of me seems gigantic and impossible to climb,

I start climbing the mountain in front of me,

I find a place to grip,

Digg my fingers into the rock,

Find a place to put my feet so that I can climb higher and higher,

At times feel like I am going to fall off the mountain,

At times, this task feels impossible since there is so much pain inside,

so many emotions,

body sensations,



At times all I can do is cry,


tear things apart,


It’s taking everything I have to climb this mountain,

It’s taking so much to face all of the demons inside of me,

It taking so much to heal from so much trauma,

The mountain before me seems impossible to climb,

There are other people higher on the mountain that reach out their hand to me

I grab their hand and know that I do not have to do this allow,

When I feel like quitting they tell me I can’t,

They tell me that they are there for me,

Do not give up,

It’s okay to feel your feelings,

It’s okay to allow the tears to come out,

It’s okay to be enraged,

It’s okay to rest,

Remember to do self-care,

I know you are feeling so much pain,

It’s okay to say, I am exhausted,

Be there for me and allow another to hold you on this journey of healing,

I listen to them and allow them to be there for me,

The tears coming from my eyes like waterfalls cleansing my pain and soul,

I will get through this.

It’s one day a time,

Sometimes one minute at a time,

Sometime one second at a time,

Know that you are loved,

That you are not allow,

You can lean on me,

You can call me anytime,

I am there and I will listen to what you have to say,

I believe you,

I support you,

I am a Warrior,

I am strong.

It’s going to be alright.

I will get to the top.

I will be free .


Heart Chakra


Settling into Reiki slumber,

I begin to breathe deeply,

I sense my spirit guides and teachers all around me,

They surrounding me in healing white light,

That touches very part of my being,


Breathing in deeper into my lungs,

I begin to connect to my heart center,

I become aware of the compassion they have for

me and realize they are there for me,

They want me to have compassion for myself,

They want me to feel my feelings,

To allow the tears to come out,


Breathing out I parts of my body are shaking,

My teachers and spirit guides tell me that I am safe,

I am releasing trauma, grief, anger, body memories, tears

And feeling connected to myself and heart center for the first time,


Breathe deeply again to sense the white healing light surrounding me,

I feel all of the love, compassion, empathy and support,

I begin to let go of past betrayals, hurts,

forgive myself and others,


I am connecting to my Divine spirt,

Raising my energy level, and realizing

That I am a healer.


Grounded and Powerful


Close your eyes and breathe deeply,

Sink your roots deep into the earth,

Come home to yourself and your body,

Allow yourself to connect to that place inside of you

That knows you are rooted deep in the earth,

Hear that little voice inside that is telling you,

You are safe,

You are strong,

You are an empowered Warrior,

You are beautiful,

You are a goddess,


Breathe deeply again,

Connect to that place inside of you that knows

You can speak your truth,

You can feel your feelings,

You can heal.

You are an empowered Warrior and Goddess who shines brightly.


You flow in the wind,

You allow the wind and rain to wash over you,

You have learned to surf the waves that crash around you,

You know that you are empowered,

you are healing the pain deep inside,

You know that you will never back down,

You know that no one can hurt you any more,

You have taken your power back from those who tried to destroy you,


You are safe,

You are a goddess that is standing in her power,

You are shining brightly so others know there is a way out,

You are healing.


Take three more breaths, in and out,

Allow the air to fill your lungs to capacity,

You no longer have to breathe shallowly,

You can take up space,

You can speak your truth,

You can feel your feelings,


You are connected to the earth below you,

You are deeply rooted,

You are very powerful.

Keep shining and ever back down.








Let Go


Let go, let go, let go,
Just let it go,
Let the tears come out,
Stop fighting the tears back,
Stop wearing different masks,
Let yourself be seen,
Let yourself be the real you,
Say the words,
Let your therapist be there for you,
Let your support system be there for you,

Let yourself ask for what you need,
Let go of the shame,
Let go of the rage,
Let go of the grief,
Let go of the hatred towards yourself,
Let yourself say the words and cry,
Face your fears,
Face the grief,
Just let it go,
It’s okay to be real and to be seen,
It’s okay to ask for help,
It’s okay to cry,
It’s okay to just let the pain go,
Let it all go,
It’s your choice!!!
You choose how and when to let go
Today is the best day to just let it go.

Heart Warrior


I have been through a lot of pain and suffering,

I have physical scars that can be seen,

I have emotional scars that cannot be seen,

Many tears have fell from my cheeks,

I have felt so much rage and grief,

However, I have picked myself up,

Fought the next battle,

And continue on my healing path.


I am an empowered heart Warrior that is standing strong,

I am a heart Warrior that is putting her life back together piece by piece,

I have compassion for every living being and compassion for myself.

I am loving and a Heart Warrior that shares

Her love with the world and those close to me


I am strong and victorious,

I shout my truth,

I feel my feelings,

I help others to know that they are also Heart Warriors.


I will never quit,

I will never surrender,

I will continue on this path of healing no matter what.





You want me to become aware

Of what my ankle, knee and lower back are saying?

You want me to stay in my body?

You want me to feel my feelings?

You want me to say what I need to say?

You want me to tell my truth?

Are you kidding me?


You want me to stay connected to myself, my body

And my feelings?

Why would I do that?

I used to scream.

You tell me that I am safe,

That there is no reason to

Disconnect any more,

That you are there for me as I become

Aware of my feelings and body,


It takes tremendous strength for me to

look deep inside of myself

Where there are dark shadows,

But my shadows are demanding that light

Shown on them,

There is no reason to hide any more,

There is no reason to remain silent any more,

It’s not my shame!!

I can be in my body.

I can love myself.

It’s not my shame!


I have come back home to my body

And to myself,

I know that I am safe to feel my feelings,

I know that I am safe to speak my truth,


I have become aware of the power I have deep inside,

I know that I am an empowered Warrior

Who is speaking her truth and will never

Back down until victim blaming, shaming stops.


I am aware of the connection to my body

And know where the trauma is held,

I am loving myself and my body every single day.

I am being gentle with myself for

I know that I am still healing.



One of those things I have heard a

few times from different people through my life,

Many times I got angry, cried and ignored what

they were saying to me,

Pushed people away from me,

I was not in the place to hear about forgiving

myself or them for what they did to me,



Now, in this moment, I am ready to forgive

myself for what happened when I was

11, 19, 23 and 25,

I know that the things that I hold

on to that keeps me stuck in pain, anger

grief, and from living my life,

I forgive myself for not knowing what I

know now, for not leaving, not fighting him,

believing his threat and not telling

everything he did to me,

I forgive myself for not saying any thing

until I was in high school,

I forgive myself for sleeping around,

I was doing the best to cope with

how I was feeling deep inside,

I thought that by going to a university two hours

away, I could escape the pain that I

felt deep inside,

All I did was stay on campus over the weekend,

Drank alcohol for the first time,

It’s not my fault what they did to me,

It’s not my shame,

I forgive myself for drinking for the first time,


I forgive myself for drinking when I was 23,

I was not ready to feel my feelings

so I did the only thing I knew to do,

which was drinking alcohol to numb

all of the pain I was feeling,

I forgive myself for throwing away a year

and half of sobriety away when I was 25,

It’s not my fault what he choose to do


I forgive myself for all of the self-harm and

self-hatred I have put myself through.

None of this was my fault,

They choose to commit a crime

and took what I did not offer,

This was their fault.

There shame,

There betrayal

There violent act.

I work every day to take

back my life, live my life

and forgive myself.

I am so glad that I am able to write,

Because writing is the only way,

I know to get the thoughts out

of my head, to tell my truth

and to continue to heal

one day at a time.

Forgiveness is something

I work at every single day.





My Nia Journey

The Healing Power of Nia

I am a Navy Veteran, Women’s Veteran Advocate, photographer, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Practioner and author that has been on a healing journey for a long time. I have tried many different ways to heal Post-Traumatic Stress. Earlier in the year, I went to a retreat called Artemis Rising in Bluemont, Virginia. The retreat involved EMDR therapy, art therapy, kayaking, hiking, archery, acupuncture, equine therapy, and somatic therapy. One of the therapists at Artemis Rising introduced us to a dance routine called “Break the Chain.” We learned the choreography and I felt so empowered. This is when I started to realize that I like to dance, and by dancing I am able to access feelings that are locked away. I then could let the tears come out.

After the retreat, I came back home and got involved in my life again. At the same time, I found out my mother’s cancer had returned and was feeling very emotional. I began to look for a way to express what I was feeling. I found Nia by looking on the One Billion Rising website and came across a Nia Jam that was being held 10 minutes from my house. I had no idea what to expect and had never heard of Nia, but I walked into the studio and met all of these lovely women that were excited about dancing and made me feel welcome. The music started and I began to dance; I immediately realized that I had come home.

Nia has helped me to feel again, to come back into my body and to heal on a deeper level. Nia is teaching me I do not need to leave my body, but that I am safe to feel what I need to feel and to express what I am feeling. Most importantly, it is doing what therapy has not been able to do, and is allowing me to access feelings I cannot talk about.

I took the Nia White Belt in July with the amazing trainer, Kate Finlayson. That was an awesome experience! By doing the White Belt I developed a relationship with my body. I realized, I do not need to be ashamed of my body and can love my body. I learned where I hold my feelings and memories, and instead of criticizing and hating those parts of me, I began to accept and love those parts of me. Kate Finlayson taught me to be present, to talk to my body, listen to my body and be loving to my body. I learned that I can dance and trust myself and embody the 52 moves of Nia. She taught me to listen to the music. I found that I a writer and started writing poetry. I am coming back home to myself.

In September, I took the Green Belt with Stephaney which continued to build on the foundation from my White Belt, learning where I hold my memories and about music, how to cue on the three and six. I learned the importance of just trying, and that I don’t have to be perfect.

I love Nia. Nia is helping me heal from Post-Traumatic Stress. It’s helping me to access feelings that have been locked inside. I have a relationship with my body and have started to love my body. Nia has given me sisters and friends on their own journey that truly care about me, and I about them. Nia has given me a safe place to feel what I need to feel and be who I am.