Nia White Belt

On a journey to come back into
my body and love my body
after being detached and dissociated for a long time
by taking Nia white belt and dancing,
Learning that it is safe to be in my body
To stay in my body
To feel different parts of my body,
Learning that I can love my body,
That I can stay present in my body and
That I am safe.

Sitting on the floor,
My knees are hurting so bad,
My ankle is hurting so bad,
My lower back is hurting,
Because I am coming back into my body,
And my body has held the all of the trauma’s there,

It’s not that I am pushing myself,
It’s that my body is responding by
Bringing the trauma pain to the surface,
Sometimes have cried during white belt,
Sometimes start to cry when I am in my car alone.

Use Arnica Montana gel to calm my body down,
Massage my knee and ankle,
Massage my lower back,
Talk to my body telling my body
That we are okay, that I am safe
That this is healing
That it is safe to come back into my body
That I am in a safe place and supported
That it is okay to feel whatever I need to feel
That I am listening to what my body is telling me
That I love my body
That I am here to protect myself

I understand where the pain is coming from
And I will address that by talking with therapist
Dance is good for me
My body has held all of the trauma’s inside
And now is the time to take even better care of myself.

Take Epsom salt baths,
Go to Reiki,
See therapist,
Stay in the level of movement that I need for that dance
Finding joy of movement
Letting the tears come

I love my body.
I am safe.
I can heal myself with self-love and touch.
I am a warrior goddess
I will take care of my body and myself.

The Healing Power of Nia

I am a Navy Veteran, Women’s Veteran Advocate, photographer and author that has been on a healing journey for a long time. I have tried many different ways to heal Post-Traumatic Stress. Earlier in the year, I went to a retreat called Artemis Rising in Bluemont, Virginia. The retreat involved EMDR therapy, art therapy, kayaking, hiking, archery, acupuncture, equine therapy, and somatic therapy. One of the therapists at Artemis Rising introduced us to a dance routine called “Break the Chain.” We learned the choreography and I felt so empowered. This is when I started to realize that I like to dance, and by dancing I am able to access feelings that are locked away. I then could let the tears come out.
After the retreat, I came back home and got involved in my life again. At the same time, I found out my mother’s cancer had returned and was feeling very emotional. I began to look for a way to express what I was feeling. I found Nia by looking on the One Billion Rising website and came across a Nia Jam that was being held 10 minutes from my house. I had no idea what to expect and had never heard of Nia, but I walked into the studio and met all of these lovely women that were excited about dancing and made me feel welcome. The music started and I began to dance; I immediately realized that I had come home.
Nia has helped me to feel again, to come back into my body and to heal on a deeper level. Nia is teaching me I do not need to leave my body, but that I am safe to feel what I need to feel and to express what I am feeling. Most importantly, it is doing what therapy has not been able to do, and is allowing me to access feelings I cannot talk about.
I took the Nia White Belt in July with the amazing trainer, Kate Finlayson. That was an awesome experience! By doing the White Belt I developed a relationship with my body. I realized, I do not need to be ashamed of my body and can love my body. I learned where I hold my feelings and memories, and instead of criticizing and hating those parts of me, I began to accept and love those parts of me. Kate Finlayson taught me to be present, to talk to my body, listen to my body and be loving to my body. I learned that I can dance and trust myself and embody the 52 moves of Nia. She taught me to listen to the music. I found that I a writer and started writing poetry. I am coming back home to myself.
In September, I took the Green Belt with Stephaney which continued to build on the foundation from my White Belt, learning where I hold my memories and about music, how to cue on the three and six. I learned the importance of just trying, and that I don’t have to be perfect.
I love Nia. Nia is helping me heal from Post-Traumatic Stress. It’s helping me to access feelings that have been locked inside. I have a relationship with my body and have started to love my body. Nia has given me sisters and friends on their own journey that truly care about me, and I about them. Nia has given me a safe place to feel what I need to feel and be who I am.

Let Go

Take some deep breaths,

Feel your feet on the floor,

Take some deep breaths,

Feel your inhale and exhale,

Look at what all is around you

 

Realize that you have grown and changed,

There is no need to hold on to your past any more,

You know what direction you are going in

And the trauma from your past has held you long enough,

It’s time to start living,

It’s time to say enough pain,

It’s time to love yourself,

 

The past is no longer serving me,

I do not need this pain any more,

I am much stronger than them,

I am a brave, strong, compassionate Warrior

Who knows where she wants to take her life.

 

Today is the day that we let go.

Why?

It’s too hard to understand,

Too hard to comprehend,

Too hard to deal with

Flashbacks, nightmares,

betrayal, rage,

Replayed over and

over again in mind,

Do not understand why

you would do this,

Why the chain of

command protects him?

Why the chain of command

ruined my career?

 

It’s wrong, you knew

what you doing

Was wrong.

You knew that I did

not consent to have sex

With you and you raped me,

You took everything

that I believed in,

Trust, Safety, Honor,

Courage, Commitment

Brother and Sisters

fighting the enemy

And stomped that

into the ground,

 

Then the chain of command

broke me more

By telling me that I

deserved to be raped,

That I was nothing more

than a walking mattress,

That it was fine

that he raped me

And that they

were not going

to do a damn

thing about it

Then when he straight up

admitted to raping me

And NCIS

did nothing they

even broke me more

I am sick

of flashbacks,

nightmares, grief, betrayal,

I do not understand

why people

protect you

I do not

 

understand why the

chain of command

protects you

I do not understand

why they protect you

 

You are nothing

but a rapist

You do not deserve to

be serving this country

Your ass should be in jail

How many other

women have

you raped?

The chain of command

does not do

A damn thing

Why can’t the damn

Senate, House, President

Do the right thing and

sign executive order?

What are they getting

out of protecting rapists?