Betrayed as A Child

 

Many feelings of betrayal,

Feelings of shame, guilt, loss,

Anger, fear, grief, self hatred,

At times have thought there must

Be something deeply wrong with me

And my body,

 

I froze,

I left my body and went

Somewhere far away,

My body betrayed me by

Responding to what you were doing

To me,

I wanted nothing to do with what

you were doing to me.

 

You took so much away

from me that day,

You took my innocence,

You took my virginity,

You took my self-worth

You took my self-esteem,

You took my childhood,

You took my trust in men,

You took my trust in friends,

You threatened to kill me

If I ever spoke of what you

Did to me,

You have caused so much

Pain, anger, grief,

 

I have started to take my

Power back from you,

I have started to realize

How you groomed me,

I have realized how you

Set me up to be molested by you,

 

I have started to talk about

the deep betrayal that I have felt,

I am telling what you did to me,

I have realized that the

Shame I feel is not mine,

I do not have to hate my body,

I can come back to my body,

I do not have to stay out of my body,

I am safe coming back to myself,

That I could love my body again,

That my body is my body,

I choose what happens with to my body,

 

I can express my true feelings

I can sound and tell my truth

I can feel the feelings

That I need to feel.

I can express the feelings

That I need to express.

I can and will continue

To tell what you did to me

And I will be free from you.

Invisible

 

I am a girl that has

experienced hatred

from men,

 

I am a girl that  has been told

that abuse does

Not matter since I

am a girl and invisible,

I am a girl that has been told

that no matter how loud I scream

no one is going to hear me.

No one cares about what the

rapists did to me,

No one cares about how my

life has been changed forever

No one cares about how I have

been emotionally abused for reporting

what they did to me

All I hear over and over again is

Rape is fine,

We care more about rapists,

We do not care about you,

We promote and protect rapists,

We do not care about

what they did to you

I have been forgotten

and no matter how loud I

screamed I will always be invisible