The Journey Back to Myself: A Book of Healing Poetry, Second Edition



A collection of inspirational, empowering poetry written over the course of three years as Julie went on a healing journey to heal from multiple sexual assaults and Post Traumatic Stress. She learned that creating space for deep healing starts with taking some deep breaths to be present in the body. She learned that her body is her home and that her body is safe to come back to. Also, she learned how to love herself again. This is a powerful book that invites you on a healing journey. It is meant for every single person who is healing from something. It’s meant to be a guide for every psychologist, psychiatrists, doctor, nurse, social worker, professor, counselor to use to understand the effects of child sexual abuse, university rape, military sexual trauma, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress.


#foreverchanged  #CSA #universityrape #complexPTSD #depression #anxiety #healingmyheart #becomingonewithmyself #peacewarrior #climbingamountain #heartwarrior #peacefulwarrior #shutupandlistentosurvivors #why #PTSD #speakyourtruth #feeltoheal #empoweredwarrior #courage #strength #journeybacktomyself #reikijinkeido #niawhitebelt #niabluebelt #healing #inspirational #courageous #survivor #selfcompassion #selflove #selfworth #writetoheal

Reiki Jin Kei Do


I am asked to lay down,

take three deep breaths,

allow myself to be present and relax,

asked to allow whatever happens to happen,


My spirit guides, teachers and angels surround me,

Bringing me into my body,

Helping me to breathe deeply,

And taking me into a Reiki slumber,

Where healing white light surrounds me,



As I go deeper into a Reiki slumber,

My body starts to shake as I am releasing trauma

from my knee and ankle,

Tears start to flow,

healing is taking place,

I feel fearful.


Reiki master holds me gently

And tells me that I am safe,

Allow the tears to come out,

Allow my body to shake,

Healing is taking place,

She is there for me,


With her words and love,

I know that I am safe

My body continues to shake,

Tears are still flowing,

Deep healing is taking place inside,

As I releasing trauma from my body


I am so grateful for my Reiki Master,

Who is helping me to heal my trauma,

Rising my energy field

And allowing deep healing to take place.

Peaceful Warrior


I am fighting a battle inside of myself,

My enemy is Post Traumatic Stress,

My strength comes from myself,

Memories of what happened to me replays over

And over again.

There are flashbacks,

There are nightmares,

There are triggers,

The pain is so real and I cannot stop the pain.

I cannot stop the flashbacks.

I cannot stop the nightmares.

I cannot stop the grief.

I cannot stop the rage.

I show a brave face to the world but on

The inside I am crying.

Mother Earth is helping me to heal my heart

That was broken into thousands of pieces,

There are many days when I feel like I am broken,

I am determined to win this battle and to heal my heart.

I will not let triggers, flashbacks, nightmares control my emotions.

I will not let those tried to destroy me win this war.

I have awakened and I will find peace with myself.


I will love myself and forgive myself for past harms

I will love my body.

I will continue to grow spirituality.

I will continue to be mindful and meditate.

I will continue to speak my truth and continue to heal.

I will reach out to fellow Peaceful Warriors and

Help them to heal to.

I am Peaceful Warrior.

Pelvic Examination


How I have avoided you,

How I do not feel connected to you,

How I want nothing to do with you,

How I want no one to touch you,

This past year, you have

let me know you are there,

I went to the emergency room

to get my ankle taken care of

Next thing I know is the nurse practioner

is talking to me about having a pap smear,

I tell her there is no way in hell,

I tell her that pap smears are very triggering to me,

She makes light of this and makes

a joke about what I am saying,

I get very angry and again tell her there is no way,

As I walk out of the room, she tells me to

think about making an appointment,

I kick around the thought of making an appointment,

I call and make an appointment with the VA,

I talk to a couple of my friends and tell them

that I have not had a pap smear for five years,

They tell me to advocate for myself,

Call and talk to the nurse practioner telling her

that I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults,

I thought that she heard me,

I thought that she had listened to me

and that we were on the same page,

I asked for anti-anxiety medication beforehand,

She tells me no,

I am very scared,

As the examination goes on, I stop breathing,

I turn red,

I stop breathing and the nurse has to tell me to breathe,

I get a massive headache,

I am in tears.

After the examination, they take

my blood pressure it’s 154/115

I cannot stand being at the

women’s health clinic any more,

I hurry up and leave,

The rest of the day I am crying and shaking,

During the night, I am having nightmares

and flashbacks to when I was raped,

The following morning, I call the

VA to ask to talk the RN,

She tells me that what

happened the previous day was

A body memory,

No shit!!!

I knew this would happen and I told you my truth,

I asked for an anti-anxiety medication beforehand,

I asked to be listened to but you choose to

ignore the fact that I told you that

I had been raped six times and that this

examination would trigger all of the memories.

You did not believe what I was telling you,

And now all of the sudden you pretend that you care by

Giving me a prescription for the medication that I asked for.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Why would I lie to you about being raped six times?

Why do you not listen to a survivor who is telling you her truth?

Why did you not believe me?

Why wait for me to have a body response

for you to see that I am telling the truth?

Hell, if you had bothered to read my chart you

would have seen that I am and have been

am service connected for PTSD due to Military Sexual Trauma,

I am a survivor of childhood rape and university rape,

All of which I told you when I

called and spoke to you before the examination.

All you did was caused another trauma, by not listening,

Not believing when I told you

And now you pretend that you care by

providing a medication and putting in a

consult for therapy and talk me down from wanting to kill myself

Listen to survivors,

Believe Survivors,

Be there


Climbing Mountain


There is a huge mountain in front of me,

I start climbing it,

The mountain in front of me seems gigantic and impossible to climb,

I start climbing the mountain in front of me,

I find a place to grip,

Digg my fingers into the rock,

Find a place to put my feet so that I can climb higher and higher,

At times feel like I am going to fall off the mountain,

At times, this task feels impossible since there is so much pain inside,

so many emotions,

body sensations,



At times all I can do is cry,


tear things apart,


It’s taking everything I have to climb this mountain,

It’s taking so much to face all of the demons inside of me,

It taking so much to heal from so much trauma,

The mountain before me seems impossible to climb,

There are other people higher on the mountain that reach out their hand to me

I grab their hand and know that I do not have to do this allow,

When I feel like quitting they tell me I can’t,

They tell me that they are there for me,

Do not give up,

It’s okay to feel your feelings,

It’s okay to allow the tears to come out,

It’s okay to be enraged,

It’s okay to rest,

Remember to do self-care,

I know you are feeling so much pain,

It’s okay to say, I am exhausted,

Be there for me and allow another to hold you on this journey of healing,

I listen to them and allow them to be there for me,

The tears coming from my eyes like waterfalls cleansing my pain and soul,

I will get through this.

It’s one day a time,

Sometimes one minute at a time,

Sometime one second at a time,

Know that you are loved,

That you are not allow,

You can lean on me,

You can call me anytime,

I am there and I will listen to what you have to say,

I believe you,

I support you,

I am a Warrior,

I am strong.

It’s going to be alright.

I will get to the top.

I will be free .


Blooming Into A Powerful Woman


I will never understand why six men choose to me

to violate and abuse me in the way they did,


Will never understand why nothing was done

to the sixteen-year-old who abused

me when I was eleven years old,


Will never understand why a police officer

blamed me for being raped and defended

two rapists at University of Cincinnati,


Will never understand why I was the one

that was blamed, shamed, emotionally abused,

retaliated against by chain of command,

Will never understand why I lost my career

for coming forward to report the crime that

was committed against me in the Navy

while rapist keeps his career and is promoted,


However, through all of this trauma,

I have broken free from there control,

I am no longer afraid,

I speak my truth,

I feel my feelings,


I have bloomed like the lotus flower,

Post traumatic growth has taken place,

Deep healing has taken place that is

leading in new direction,

I have new strengths that

I did not know I had before,


I realize just how powerful my voice has become,

Realize that I am standing in my light,

Shining brightly

and realize that I am an

empowered Warrior that has many gifts

of healing to share with the world.

This is my new purpose in life.









Heart Chakra


Settling into Reiki slumber,

I begin to breathe deeply,

I sense my spirit guides and teachers all around me,

They surrounding me in healing white light,

That touches very part of my being,


Breathing in deeper into my lungs,

I begin to connect to my heart center,

I become aware of the compassion they have for

me and realize they are there for me,

They want me to have compassion for myself,

They want me to feel my feelings,

To allow the tears to come out,


Breathing out I parts of my body are shaking,

My teachers and spirit guides tell me that I am safe,

I am releasing trauma, grief, anger, body memories, tears

And feeling connected to myself and heart center for the first time,


Breathe deeply again to sense the white healing light surrounding me,

I feel all of the love, compassion, empathy and support,

I begin to let go of past betrayals, hurts,

forgive myself and others,


I am connecting to my Divine spirt,

Raising my energy level, and realizing

That I am a healer.


Grounded and Powerful


Close your eyes and breathe deeply,

Sink your roots deep into the earth,

Come home to yourself and your body,

Allow yourself to connect to that place inside of you

That knows you are rooted deep in the earth,

Hear that little voice inside that is telling you,

You are safe,

You are strong,

You are an empowered Warrior,

You are beautiful,

You are a goddess,


Breathe deeply again,

Connect to that place inside of you that knows

You can speak your truth,

You can feel your feelings,

You can heal.

You are an empowered Warrior and Goddess who shines brightly.


You flow in the wind,

You allow the wind and rain to wash over you,

You have learned to surf the waves that crash around you,

You know that you are empowered,

you are healing the pain deep inside,

You know that you will never back down,

You know that no one can hurt you any more,

You have taken your power back from those who tried to destroy you,


You are safe,

You are a goddess that is standing in her power,

You are shining brightly so others know there is a way out,

You are healing.


Take three more breaths, in and out,

Allow the air to fill your lungs to capacity,

You no longer have to breathe shallowly,

You can take up space,

You can speak your truth,

You can feel your feelings,


You are connected to the earth below you,

You are deeply rooted,

You are very powerful.

Keep shining and ever back down.








Let Go


Let go, let go, let go,
Just let it go,
Let the tears come out,
Stop fighting the tears back,
Stop wearing different masks,
Let yourself be seen,
Let yourself be the real you,
Say the words,
Let your therapist be there for you,
Let your support system be there for you,

Let yourself ask for what you need,
Let go of the shame,
Let go of the rage,
Let go of the grief,
Let go of the hatred towards yourself,
Let yourself say the words and cry,
Face your fears,
Face the grief,
Just let it go,
It’s okay to be real and to be seen,
It’s okay to ask for help,
It’s okay to cry,
It’s okay to just let the pain go,
Let it all go,
It’s your choice!!!
You choose how and when to let go
Today is the best day to just let it go.