Reiki Jin Kei Do: My Healing Journey

I took the Nia White Belt in July 2015 with an amazing trainer, Kate Finlayson. That was an awesome experience! By doing the White Belt, I developed a relationship with my body. I realized that I do not need to be ashamed of my body and can love my body. I learned where I hold my feelings and memories, and instead of criticizing and hating those parts of me, I began to accept and love those parts of me. Kate taught me to be present, to talk to my body, listen to my body and be loving to my body. I learned that I can dance and trust myself and embody the 52 moves of Nia. She taught me to listen to the music. I am all about the base, and I love music that has drums. I am coming back home to myself.

After this amazing White Belt, Kate recommended that I do Reiki with Haven Carter. I was coming home into my body, experiencing pain in my right knee and left ankle were I held trauma memories. By doing Reiki, I was able to release energy, feelings and continued to process what I was feeling. I allowed myself to feel and permitted the tears to come out. At times, when I was laying on the table, I shook when I got scared. Haven told me that I was safe and that it was my body doing what it needed to do to let go of the energy of all of the traumas. Also, she told me that I was safe with her, that she had me and that I could be real with her.  There were a few times when tears just started streaming from my eyes and Haven just held me.  Also, there was two times after Reiki when I got into my car and threw up. The Reiki was working on all of the traumas I have been through causing a physical reaction.   Sexual abuse is held in the body as I learned repeatedly from taking doing Nia white belt and Reiki Jin Kei Do.


Self Care

As I have continued on my healing journey, one thing that I have had to learn is self care. I used to believe that I was not worthy of self care since I saw myself as dirty, worthless and useless.  Once that view of myself changed, I started making little changes to take better care of myself. Self care first started by drinking more water. Then that expanded to getting a massage. My self-esteem started coming back.  I started going to therapy where I learned and accepted that I was a worth while human being that deserved to be loved by myself. Soon I was getting massages two times a month, using essential oils to help myself calm down and started to realize that I could have self-compassion.

The next step I took in self care was finding my way to Nia and taking white belt. This is where I learned to love my body and life. My trainer suggested I go to see her friend who did Reiki Jin Kei Do. I did what she suggested and made an appointment. Through Reiki, I learned that I can connect to my body more and more. My energy level became higher and more self care started. Next thing, I know I am eating better, spending time in nature, dancing, being with friends, listening to music, choreographing dance routines,  using essential oils, candles, healing stones, crystal singing bowls, take espom salt baths, meditation, earthing, massages, counseling and  getting acupuncture treatments. I had to teach myself that I could love myself again and now I practice self care every day.

Reiki Jin Kei Do

Reiki Jin Kei Do is central to my life. As Reiki Jin Kei Do Level 2 Energy Practitioner, I meditate every day and do self-treatments on myself.

The Journey Back to Myself

I am asked to lay down,

take three deep breaths,

allow myself to be present and relax,

asked to allow whatever happens to happen,

My spirit guides, teachers and angels surround me,

Bringing me into my body,

Helping me to breathe deeply,

And taking me into a Reiki slumber,

Where healing white light surrounds me,

As I go deeper into a Reiki slumber,

My body starts to shake as I am releasing trauma

from my knee and ankle,

Tears start to flow,

healing is taking place,

I feel fearful.

Reiki master holds me gently

And tells me that I am safe,

Allow the tears to come out,

Allow my body to shake,

Healing is taking place,

She is there for me,

With her words and love,

I know that I am safe

My body continues to shake,

Tears are still flowing,

Deep healing is taking place inside,

As I releasing…

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Shine Your Light


In life there are many things that

Need light shined on them.

In my darkness you shine your light,

In my pain you shine your light,

When my grief comes to the forefront

You shine your light brightly,

When anger comes to the forefront,

You are there for me and do not judge me when I am angry.

When I am sad and isolating,

You hold me gently and allow me to cry on your shoulder,

When I am triggered, you are there for me

Shining brightly and showing me the way out.

Your mere presence helps me to know that I

Am not alone and your light shines brightly,

When my hope disappears you shine your light,

When I feel stuck in old memories,

You shine your light so brightly that I,

Reach out and take your hand, you guide me back to myself.

You gently remind me that I have a birthright to

Be happy, take up space, and to live my life

You remind me that I have a

choice in very decision I make.

You are constantly there as a shining light.

Thank you!!

Healing Crystals




Pink Quartz,



Tiger Eye,

Clear Quartz,


All healing stones that connect me to my body, raise my energy,

Surrounding me in a healing circle,

Supporting me in my healing journey,

Allowing me to see through the cloud of pain,

Giving me strength and protecting me,


Raising my energy,

Ground me in the present moment,

Connect me to my body,

Helping me to communicate what I need to communicate,

Healing my broken heart,

How I love these healing stones,

Climbing Mountain

The Journey Back to Myself

There is a huge mountain in front of me,

I start climbing it,

The mountain in front of me seems gigantic and impossible to climb,

I start climbing the mountain in front of me,

I find a place to grip,

Digg my fingers into the rock,

Find a place to put my feet so that I can climb higher and higher,

At times feel like I am going to fall off the mountain,

At times, this task feels impossible since there is so much pain inside,

so many emotions,

body sensations,



At times all I can do is cry,


tear things apart,


It’s taking everything I have to climb this mountain,

It’s taking so much to face all of the demons inside of me,

It taking so much to heal from so much trauma,

The mountain before me seems impossible to climb,

There are other people…

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A Walk in Nature


Awoken in the morning by birds singing a lovely song,

letting me know a new day has come,

look at my dog,

he is wagging his tail telling me it’s time for his walk,


I put his leash on,

out the door we go

We are out in nature,


I smell cool crisp air,

Breathe deeply to fill my lungs,

Hear all of birds singing their songs,

Sense myself becoming one with the present moment,

As we are walking, I notice my body is relaxing more and more, and

I am becoming more mindful of all the sounds around me,


I look up at the trees to see they are starting to bud,

The dogwoods already have their blooms,

I look at the grass and see the first dandelion flower spouting up,

Saying here I am,

See my dog, prancing, so happy to be outside,

See him point at the squirrel close to us,

My dog is going crazy, barking at the squirrel,

The squirrel climbs up a tree to get away from my dog,


As we get closer, I see that the squirrel sitting on a branch,

Looking right at me,

giving me some animal medicine,


I notice a rabbit jumping around in the distance,

Also see a family of deer, that my dog has not seen yet,

We keep along the path,

As we get closer to the lake,

I see a blue heron perched on a tree,


Nature is beautiful and brings me home to myself,

I am now completely on nature time,

Completely relaxed and connected to myself.

Not My Shame

The Journey Back to Myself

The images of that day and night  replays over and over,

It never leaves my mind,

It was dark and I was drunk,

All I wanted to do was sleep,

The image of that day and night never leaves my mind,

How you hurt me twice,

How you took what I did not offer you,

You were watching tv and talking to someone on the phone,

I got into bed to sleep off being drunk,

You waited until I passed out and then you took what I did not offer you,

You destroyed me that night,

And took away all of my dreams,

I wanted to have a career,

But you made sure to take that dream and totally destroyed it,

I thought that I would be safe with you,

You were supposed to be a friend and you were a

Third class petty officer,

I was stupid enough to…

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Standing On the Edge


Senior year of high school,

I am standing on the edge,

There are so many decisions for me to make about my future,

I am excited about my future but at the same time,

I am feeling lost inside,

There are tears that are coming to the surface,

I am starting to remember what

you did to me when I was eleven,

I have started to sleep around,

Thinking that will somehow change

what you did to me that day when I was eleven,

You changed my life forever that day when you abused me,


All I know how is that I want to get as

far away from my small town ass I can,

I want to get away from the constant reminders,

And the triggers that take me back to that day,

Tears are coming to the surface,

I apply to the University of Cincinnati

because that is two hours’ way from Lucasville,

I get accepted and cannot wait to start my new life,


I have three roommates that are doing the sorority thing,

They are drinking and partying,

I never did that in high school,

So I decide to try alcohol for the first time,


I get wasted,

Two black men decide to rape me,

I have so much hatred for myself,

I swear that I will never drink again and

Don’t until I move to another town,


I start going to therapy to heal of this trauma,

I start going to a support group,

The therapist decides one

night to give us all a depression test,

I get a call a couple of days later

asking me to come in for an appointment,

The therapist that I have been seeing

wants me to go into a day treatment program

I start going to a day treatment

program and make it through that program,

Once I am done with this program,

I am feeling intense feelings

that I do not want to feel,


I start going to a club with friends,

Drinking and partying every night,

I just cannot wait to get wasted because

I do not want to remember what

happened to me when I was eleven and nineteen,

I want the intense feelings to stop,


So I start living for every

Friday and Saturday night,

So I can drink and get wasted,

I can escape from my body and the memories,


There were some nights when this was fun,

There were nights when I almost

got into fights at the club me and my best friend went to,

There are nights when I black out and my friends

Tell me the next day that I did,


One night me, my girlfriend and

best friend go to a strip club to

see her girl friend since it is her birthday,

I do want I am known for,

I start drinking long island ice teas, mind racers,

shots and get totally wasted,

We drive over to my friend’s house

that is twenty minutes away,


I can barely walk from being so drunk,

My girlfriend and my friends best

friend helps to walk to the house,

We go inside and talk for a little bit,


I have to go to the bathroom that is upstairs,

While I am in the bathroom, my

best friends friend comes in the room,

He is touching me and ends up raping me,


I do not say anything to any

one until the following day when

my girlfriend asks me what is wrong,

I start crying and she comes over to hold me,

She tells me that I can

tell her what happened.

I tell her that I am bruised, know

that I was raped last night,

and am hurting really bad,

She tells me we should call the police,

I get really upset, start sobbing and screaming,

There is no way in hell we are calling the police,

She tells me that we

should go to the hospital,

I tell her there is no point in

going to the Emergency room,

I know that the nurse will call

the police and the police will not

do anything except

blame me and shame me.

So we come to an agreement that

I will make an appointment with a gynecologist,


We go to that appointment together,

My girlfriend is there to hold me

and supports me through this,

The gynecologist tells me that I am bruised,

I tell her what happened and

that I do not want the police involved,

She does some more lab tests,

gives me a name to a therapist,

and the morning after pill.


I swear that I will never drink again,

I start going to Alcoholic Anonymous every day,

I get a sponsor and start on my healing path,

I put over a year sober, am so grateful that I found my way to AA,

have an amazing sponsor and started on my path of healing,

Blooming Into A Powerful Woman


I will never understand why six men choose to me

to violate and abuse me in the way they did,


Will never understand why nothing was done

to the sixteen-year-old who abused

me when I was eleven years old,


Will never understand why a police officer

blamed me for being raped and defended

two rapists at University of Cincinnati,


Will never understand why I was the one

that was blamed, shamed, emotionally abused,

retaliated against by chain of command,

Will never understand why I lost my career

for coming forward to report the crime that

was committed against me in the Navy

while rapist keeps his career and is promoted,


However, through all of this trauma,

I have broken free from there control,

I am no longer afraid,

I speak my truth,

I feel my feelings,


I have bloomed like the lotus flower,

Post traumatic growth has taken place,

Deep healing has taken place that is

leading in new direction,

I have new strengths that

I did not know I had before,


I realize just how powerful my voice has become,

Realize that I am standing in my light,

Shining brightly

and realize that I am an

empowered Warrior that has many gifts

of healing to share with the world.

This is my new purpose in life.