Feelings, A Powerful Poem From The Journey Back to Myself: A Book of Healing Poetry

 

Laid down to take a nap for half the day,

To stop the memories from coming,

But the memories have turned into nightmares,

I cannot sleep because I keep seeing what he did to me,

It’s been two years since that awful day and night

But at times, it still feels like it was yesterday,

I have not had time to tell my truth,

I haven’t had time to heal or to process my feelings,

I know I need to have,

I am feeling so insecure, fearful,

betrayed, alone, depressed and sad,

The images come flooding back,

I thought that I could trust you,

I feel betrayed by you and the chain of command,

I feel betrayed by the Navy that says they have

no tolerance for sexual assault and rape in its service,

But has done nothing to help me

All the chain of command has done is called me a liar,

Told me that I have a drinking problem

and he had every right to do what he did to me,

Told me that I had to talk to a male psychologist,

I told my chain of command,

There is no way in hell that I am

 talking to a male about being raped,

Tell me that I am lying about my knee being hurt,

When we are at the pier and state side,

 I start paying to see a counselor in the civilian world,

I cannot live with this pain,

I cannot live with this emotional abuse,

The feelings are intense,

Flashbacks are constantly there,

The retaliation and emotional abuse

 are causing even more trauma.

I start burning my arm to cope with the emotional abuse,

I have no idea what to do

I start to become angry because

 that is the only way I know to survive

When I am away from the ship, Navy, all I can do is cry.

Reiki Jin Kei Do

Reiki Jin Kei Do is a healing practice that brings wisdom and compassion into the practice. There were several times while I was laying on my Reiki’s Master that I learned to have compassion for myself.  At times, my legs would shake as I was releasing energy and trauma. There were times when I sobbed and she was just there for me. There were times when I was afraid and I was told I was safe, supported, held and to allow whatever happens to just happened.  Another time, after a session, I got into my car, started driving and ended up having to pull over since I had started to feel stick and vomited. I called my Reiki Master and asked her if this was normal. She told me, I had processed a lot of trauma, emotions, and this was my body’s way of getting rid of what I needed to.

 

Reiki is life force energy. Reiki has helped to heal me. This is why I choose to become a Reiki Jin Kei Level 1 and 2 Energy Practitioner. I am wanting to give back to others and help other people to heal.  Please email me, call me, face book me, to make time for your Reiki Jin Kei Do healing session

PTSD and knocked off Balance

A poem every nurse practitioner, nurse, doctor, OB/GYN should watch to understand what happens when one does not listen to the survivor of Military Sexual Trauma.