What have I been doing? This summer, I have been concentrating on my healing by going to Nia. Nia is a mind, body, spirit, emotion movement practice that incorporates dance arts, martial arts and healing arts into an amazing dance class. Since June, I have retaken blue belt, floor play and retaken white belt. Through all of this, I have realized that I have worked through a lot of the trauma memories; however, my body still holds onto some of the trauma memories.
I am determined to be free and I am doing everything in my power to release the remaining anger and grief that I have. Yesterday, I had a session with my therapist that was really emotional for me. I am realizing that what happened to me when I was eleven has affected my whole entire life and set me up for the pattern of abuse that I have been through at the hands of men. I am realizing that the 16 year old who molested me not only took my virginity but he also robbed me of my childhood and took so much away from me that day.
There are so many tears that I need to cry. I am learning that I have to have compassion for myself and am having to do deep inner child work and release the grief that I feel. The only way out is through this. I can not hide what I feel. I cannot stuff these feelings any more. I cannot eat myself into obesity. I will not let him have any more control over my life. I will dance and sound to release everything that I need to. I will take my power. I am an empowered Warrior. I am a survivor!! I will thrive!!