Feelings, A Powerful Poem From The Journey Back to Myself: A Book of Healing Poetry

 

Laid down to take a nap for half the day,

To stop the memories from coming,

But the memories have turned into nightmares,

I cannot sleep because I keep seeing what he did to me,

It’s been two years since that awful day and night

But at times, it still feels like it was yesterday,

I have not had time to tell my truth,

I haven’t had time to heal or to process my feelings,

I know I need to have,

I am feeling so insecure, fearful,

betrayed, alone, depressed and sad,

The images come flooding back,

I thought that I could trust you,

I feel betrayed by you and the chain of command,

I feel betrayed by the Navy that says they have

no tolerance for sexual assault and rape in its service,

But has done nothing to help me

All the chain of command has done is called me a liar,

Told me that I have a drinking problem

and he had every right to do what he did to me,

Told me that I had to talk to a male psychologist,

I told my chain of command,

There is no way in hell that I am

 talking to a male about being raped,

Tell me that I am lying about my knee being hurt,

When we are at the pier and state side,

 I start paying to see a counselor in the civilian world,

I cannot live with this pain,

I cannot live with this emotional abuse,

The feelings are intense,

Flashbacks are constantly there,

The retaliation and emotional abuse

 are causing even more trauma.

I start burning my arm to cope with the emotional abuse,

I have no idea what to do

I start to become angry because

 that is the only way I know to survive

When I am away from the ship, Navy, all I can do is cry.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s