Reiki Jin Kei Do: My Healing Journey

The Journey Back to Myself

I took the Nia White Belt in July 2015 with an amazing trainer, Kate Finlayson. That was an awesome experience! By doing the White Belt, I developed a relationship with my body. I realized that I do not need to be ashamed of my body and can love my body. I learned where I hold my feelings and memories, and instead of criticizing and hating those parts of me, I began to accept and love those parts of me. Kate taught me to be present, to talk to my body, listen to my body and be loving to my body. I learned that I can dance and trust myself and embody the 52 moves of Nia. She taught me to listen to the music. I am all about the base, and I love music that has drums. I am coming back home to myself.

After this amazing White Belt, Kate…

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Vagina

Vagina 
Before I ever got a chance to truly
know you and accept you,
You were ripped away from me,
I became terrified of you,
I dissociated from you and wanted nothing to do with you,
I learned to hate you over and over again,
as you were taken away from me many more times,
I learned that you were not part of my body
and that you did no belong to me,
As I continue on my healing journey,
I am learning just how sacred you are.
I am learning that you are not dirty,
That I do not need to be ashamed or fearful of you,
I am connecting to you and learning how sacred you are,
how magnificent you are,
I am breathing deep into you,
There is nothing that I need to be ashamed or fearful
of any more.
I am healing you,
I am showering you with love and
starting to accept my sexuality,
You are part of me,
You are sacred
We become one,
We become whole.

Blooming Into A Powerful Woman

The Journey Back to Myself

I will never understand why six men choose to me

to violate and abuse me in the way they did,

Will never understand why nothing was done

to the sixteen-year-old who abused

me when I was eleven years old,

Will never understand why a police officer

blamed me for being raped and defended

two rapists at University of Cincinnati,

Will never understand why I was the one

that was blamed, shamed, emotionally abused,

retaliated against by chain of command,

Will never understand why I lost my career

for coming forward to report the crime that

was committed against me in the Navy

while rapist keeps his career and is promoted,

However, through all of this trauma,

I have broken free from there control,

I am no longer afraid,

I speak my truth,

I feel my feelings,

I have bloomed like the lotus flower,

Post traumatic growth has taken place,

Deep…

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Heart Warrior

The Journey Back to Myself

I have been through a lot of pain and suffering,

I have physical scars that can be seen,

I have emotional scars that cannot be seen,

Many tears have fell from my cheeks,

I have felt so much rage and grief,

However, I have picked myself up,

Fought the next battle,

And continue on my healing path.

I am an empowered heart Warrior that is standing strong,

I am a heart Warrior that is putting her life back together piece by piece,

I have compassion for every living being and compassion for myself.

I am loving and a Heart Warrior that shares

Her love with the world and those close to me

I am strong and victorious,

I shout my truth,

I feel my feelings,

I help others to know that they are also Heart Warriors.

I will never quit,

I will never surrender,

I will continue on this path…

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Today starts New Phase

I am stepping into a new phase of my healing today.  I am taking steps to reclaim my body by going to my first pelvic floor physical therapy appointment. I am very scared about doing this, however I am ready and want to reclaim my whole body.   I am saying Bring it on to every thing new.  I am loving myself enough to take this step in my healing process. I will breathe through this. I am bringing my spirit guides with me to this appointment.

Mother Earth

 

Mother Earth, you are the place that I call home

Mother Earth, you have given me birth,

You are the ground I walk on

The air I breathe,

The water I drink,

The food I eat,

The place where I live,

The clothes I wear,

The beauty I see.

You have provided me  with everything I need,

Mother Earth, you have been there for me

On my healing journey,

You have taught me how to accept myself,

You have taught me how to feel my feelings,

You have taught me how to sink my roots,

You have taught me how to breathe,

You have taught me how to meditate.

You have taught me how  to look for the beauty

in every living thing.

You have taught me how to be loving of myself

and all living things,

Along this path of healing  you have me sent

angels, guides, and put people in my life to help me.

You have shown me that I can connect to

Something bigger then me by being in nature.

You have shown me  the beauty in life.

You have been there in my grief.

You hold me each and every day.

Thank you Mother Earth

 for being there.

Nia White Belt

On a journey to come back into my body

and love my body after being detached and

dissociated fora long time by taking Nia white belt and dancing,
Learning that it is safe to be in my body
To stay in my body
To feel different parts of my body,
Learning that I can love my body,
That I can stay present in my body and
That I am safe.

Sitting on the floor,
My knees are hurting so badly,
My ankle is hurting so badly,
My lower back is hurting,
Because I am coming back into my body,
and my body has held the all of the traumas there,

It’s not that I am pushing myself,
It’s that my body is responding by bringing the trauma  pain to the surface,
Sometimes I cried during white belt,
Sometimes I start to cry when I am in my car alone.

I  use Arnica Montana gel to calm my body down,
Massage my knee and ankle,
Massage my lower back,
Talk to my body telling my body that we are okay, that I am safe
That this is healing
That it is safe to come  back into my body
That I am in a safe place and supported
That it is okay to feel whatever I need to feel
That I am listening to what my body is telling me
That I love my body
That I am here to protect myself

I understand where the pain is coming from
and I will address that by talking with therapist
Dance is good for me
My body has held all of the trauma’s inside and now is the time to take

even better care of myself.

Take Epsom salt baths,
Go to Reiki,
See therapist,
Stay in the level of movement that I need for that dance
Finding joy of movement
Letting the tears come

I love my body.
I am safe.
I can heal myself with self-love and touch.
I am a warrior goddess
I will take care of my,body and myself.