I am writing a poem about sensing into my pelvis and as I write this poem more questions are coming out of me about what Congress, Vice President, President, Department of Defense, Society gets from allowing rape to happen every two minutes in this country. You have the military that has the core values of Honor, Courage, Commitment, Country, Shipmate, and Self last. I want to know why these values do not matter. I want to know what people get out of protecting rapists, sexual predators, domestic abusers, human traffickers. I want to know who is lining the pockets of politicians so they do nothing about this issue. I want to know why this is accepted by our society.
In writing this poem, I am tapping into incredible rage, grief, hurt, fear and depression. Writing this poem that I am working on that I might share or not share I feel nausea. After I was raped at University of Cincinnati, I could not eat anything and when I did the food ended up being vomited back up. My soul was ripped away from when I was 11, 19, 23 and 25. Then it was ripped away from me even more when I was victim blamed, shamed, emotionally abused, and retaliated.
My life was flipped upside down and I lost my childhood, university education, Navy Career while the bastards that raped me had nothing happen to them. In 2013, when the rapist sent me an email straight up admitting to it and NCIS still did nothing about it, my soul was ripped away even more. When Congress, voted to keep the freaking chain of command involved in rape cases, after survivors testified on Capital Hill, more of my soul was ripped away and even more grief, anger, and fear came into me.
In May, when I had the pap smear at the VA and was not listened to when I specifically told the Nurse Practitioner my history, advocated for myself and was not listened to or believed until I had the body response I had and a full blown panic attack; I just want nothing to do with that part of my body.
There is so much hurt, betrayal, rage at the Nurse Practitioner for not freaking listening. There is anger at the six men that raped me. There is anger at society for blaming me and not doing any thing. There is anger at my chain of command for the retaliation, emotional abuse, ruining my career, calling me a liar and protecting the rapists sorry asses. There is anger at Congress (the democratic controlled Congress), Vice President Biden, President Obama for not doing a damn thing and allowing this shit to continue on.
I truly want to know:
- What they get from doing nothing about child sexual abuse, university rape, military sexual trauma, sexual assault, human trafficking, domestic abuse, sexual harassment
- Why they do nothing about Military Sexual Trauma when you have the military having the core values of Honor, Courage, Commitment, Country, Duty, Shipmate. Please tell me where protecting, promoting, excusing and allowing rapists to continue to rape over and over and over and over and over again comes into those values.
- Who is paying them off and keeps them from doing nothing
- What they get from allowing this to happen every two minutes in this country.
- Why they think rape is funny.
- Why this is acceptable to them.
- If they would really stand by and do nothing if one of there loved ones where raped, sexually abused as a child, trafficked, sexually harassed, beaten