Doing The Best I Can

On Friday, my and mom and I left for my relatives house in the Midwest. When she came home from work, I made the mistake of telling her that I wanted to save my money to buy a used car since my Hyundai Sonata I had blew up. My mom became enraged and she said, “How in the hell are you going to afford to buy a car? You do not have a job. You can barely pay me back.” I became really quiet and started crying. Then she said, “I have one more thing to say about this. “When I die, in two years you will have more then a 100,000 and you can do with it what you want.”

For the record, I have been paying her back every month. I give her rent money and the money I owe her for helping me to buy the Sonata. I am service connected with the VA at 100 percent. I did not ask to be raped, emotionally abused, have my career ruined, and retaliated against. I did not ask to live with PTSD, depression, and to self cut. I am doing what I can to find a job. I can not make a company call me to find a job.

I am just really emotionally exhausted and tired of being told, “Just forget it. Move on with your life. Be the same person you were before you left for the Navy.” I have not been the same person I was since I was molested at 11 years old by a family friend. Also, I am tired of having to educate people on the effects of sexual abuse, rape, re victimization, trauma and PTSD.  Also, I have over 200 resumes out to different employers. It’s not like I am not fucking trying.

 

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