Waves

Waves

Look around and all you see is a huge ship,

There are tons of people but no one that

Wants to hear your pain or to help you,

Get out further to sea and all you see

Is the deep blue ocean,

The waves rock the ship and the

Waves that are inside of you,

Come crashing in on you,

There is nowhere to go, no one to talk to

So the only place your have is to turn

To writing in this journal,

To get the thoughts and feelings out,

When you lay in your rack at night,

All you do is cry,

The nightmares and flashbacks come back

But what are you going to do when

You are stuck on a huge ship, in the middle

Of the ocean where there is no one

To talk to,

No one that cares,

 

Trying so hard to be

the Sailor but since

The rape,

command not doing

anything about it

Being called a liar,

The emotional abuse

and retaliation,

Being told that

I do not matter,

That we will ruin

your career,

I just do not care

about being a Sailor.

 

There are times

when I look at the waves,

And want to jump

off of the ship,

To make the

pain go away,

I turn to cutting

and burning to feel

Physical pain instead

of the emotional pain,

There is no one that cares,

No one that will listen,

I am trapped on an

aircraft carrier with people,

That could care less

about what happened to me,

I cannot wait to

be back at the pier,

To get far away

from people that

Are only out to hurt me,

Cannot wait to get back to the pier

To be able to get away from

The chain of command,

Cannot wait to get back to the pier to be

Able to see real friends

that care about me

And understand

what I am feeling,

Cannot wait to be

back to the pier so I

Can see a counselor

that understands

Rape and PTSD,

All I want is for

someone to be there

Someone to listen

without judgement

Someone to hold me,

Someone to validate

what I am feeling

And for someone to

listen as I talk about

What happened to

me in that hotel room.

The waves crash

in on me,

There are so

many tears,

Feel so betrayed,

Feel so depressed,

Feel so much grief,

Feel so much anger,

Feel lost in

an institution that

Only cares about

men that rape,

And I mean

nothing to them.

 

 

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